this is my 200th published article ♥︎

and over ONE MILLION written words 🤯

holy guacamole i did the math and i have written…..

1,019,000 words since starting this publication 🤯

over…ONE MILLION….words…in the past 1.5 years alone.

i am factoring in my drafts because i have 120 in there.

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it all started in italy the summer of 2022. i had an idea downloaded to me and i filled up an entire journal with ideas to teach + talk on. when i got home from italy i spent 4 months writing in secret.

my goal was to write 1,000 words every single day and tell no one about it (:

i got to around 50k words and then sat on this draft for over a year… not sure what to do with it and feeling paralyzed by the editing process.

i was introduced to substack the end of 2023 and i finalllly started releasing chunks of my word under the publication name, “Creative Love”.

i had about 70 subscribers the full year 🥰

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when january 2025 hit i wanted to start a new publication <3

i wanted something fresh and just an overall new beginning.

so i shut down, “Creative Love” and i started, “Miracle Zone”.

i wrote (and still do) on miracles, the law of attraction, and manifestation.

and then i started to write about romantic love again so i started a subsection under Miracle Zone and continued to call it…Creative Love 🥰

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about 2 months ago i had a crazzzy surge come through me where i basically re-branded my entire platform (again) and changed the name of the publication, Miracle Zone, to 🐚 𐐆ᏂᏋ ᏕᎥᏒᏋᏁ ᏝᏗᎶᎧᎧᏁ ༛𓇼

i wanted to be a bit more niche n campy 🥰

and who knows, i’ll probably change it again in the future.

anyways - 200 articles + over ONE MILLION words aren’t even accounting for my old publication Creative Love - so it’s more than that!

in all honesty i don’t think i have anything figured out nor will i ever feel that way. the second it feeeeels like i have it all figured out…the universe is like, “no you don’t!” and rips whatever it was i was grasping on to make me feel ok.

i am really tired. i am nervous. i am scared. i am anxious. i have no clue what my future holds. my head hurts writing this and i have a anxious pit in my stomach.

i feel exhausted trying to pretend i have any inkling clue about anything.

we have to move again and yeah it may not sound like the worst thing in the world but i have not had a “home” since i was 19. and anytime i have felt like we were creating a home, something happened to prove that otherwise. so i feel really fucking exhausted putting expectation or belief into anything at this point.

since i moved out at 19 i’ve always been nervous about money.barely making it. having to do crazy shit to survive. ending up homeless. so you could say there is a lot of past trauma when it comes to me + a feeling of security + a home base.

so when i see that number…200 published articles…and knowing i’ve typed well over 1,000,000 words it does make me believe in myself more. i’ve held on to a consistent connection between me + my inner being 💕 and really that’s only counting for the past year and a half.

and in all honesty - in this current moment - i am feeling deeply insecure. while on one hand i feel really happy about my connection to my creativity….i feel ungrounded + uneasy about my personal life.

and i already know i’ll come back in here and write about how the greatest thing ever happened recently 😹 i know i tend to feel really high when i’m feeling good and really fucking low when i’m not.

given - circumstances are pretty shit right now.

we have not had consistent access to electricity or water ! we lose power almost every single day due to island wide power outages. we are on a cistern and in the middle of a drought so have to preserve water. i was in the shower the other day and zach came in and he’s like “ok sammi you’ve almost been in there for 10 minutes” and i spiraled the fuck out and cried for like 2 hours and realized this is not the life i want to live.

the island i am living on infrastructure is crumbling beneath our feet. it’s been this way since…the 80s? but it’s gotten extremely worse since we have moved here.

life is generally feeling hard right now. when you don’t even have consistent access to basic needs it makes you feel actually insane.

sorry if this essay wasn’t the hope core you were expecting. i just cannot mask right now.

major major major fog has been lifting and it’s PAINFUL 😶‍🌫️ it’s not only the inconsistent access to getting our basic needs met but it’s been a few other things that i don’t want to talk on just yet but may share within 🐚 the shell phone group

what the fuck will i be doing about being a cry baby and shifting my life?

♥︎ well - laying off the gas and not thinking anything is “it”. i am going to trust in the bridges from 1 destination to the next (metaphorically and physically). i am going to trust being bored and not running into something based off excitement alone.

♥︎ really going to prioritize logic + practicalities. while yes living in delulu land is the best place ever. i also need to be logical about the next steps to take to get myself feeling rooted in a home even if that home is temporary.

♥︎ i will be strict around consumption. never fails! no tiktok. no threads. limited instagram. i will be prioritizing healthy grounding warm meals. simple foods.

♥︎ i will be sticking to my schedule + routine because right now, that’s the only “rooting” i have. write at the same time daily. gym at the same time daily. shower at the same time daily. it proves to my body i am safe and ok.

♥︎ i’m done pretending that i know anything about jack shit. really i am just going to share my life and what i learn along the way with also understanding what i believe to be true may also shift form.

♥︎ leaning deeper into believing rejection IS re-direction even if the logistics feel like shit. i will be tapping into magic again. day dreaming, affirmations, scripting, daily meditation… living from the end state 🫧☁️ but without putting my “all” into a vision of neeeeeding it to work out. i’ll be balancing this out by learning how to be OK in the moment and find appreciaton over the mundane.

♥︎ going to continue to be honest with how i feel without any masking. because recently major fog was lifted. and i do feel as if the fog took place because i was running on excitement and wasn’t asking the deeper questions. i’ll be sharing more about this to via 🐚 the shell phone as i mentioned previously above.

the only things i do feel certain about are…

♥︎ having a consistent connection to your creativity will ALWAYS make you feel better…when everything feels like it is going wrong in your life…your connection to your art is forever ♡✧

i do feel like you should treat your art like a living entity. because it is….the more you feed it and nourish it…the more it grows and feeds you as well ♡༛✧

♥︎ the more honest you are about the way you feel…the more quicker you move into what you do desire - even if that clarity is painful and messy.

♥︎☯️ following excitement ALONE is sure to bring you into somewhere or something you don’t want to be. i see excitement being “the feminine” or “the yin” but you also need “the masculine” or “the yang” to come into a proper decision about something. excitement is a fun indicator your soul is lit up by something but just because you are lit up by something doesn’t mean it’s the path to take. you need to bring in your inner masculine/yang/logic to balance out the floaty energy that’s easy to drift you into space.

and even on the opposite. you don’t want to follow logic alone. you want to make choices that feel good for you ✧ and trust the choices that feel good + exciting to an extent!

♥︎ just because something IS messy doesn’t mean it’s wrong…being a human means mess is always going to be involved. the more you try to force things to be clean cut i feel the more it backfires.

♥︎ NOTHING is forver. not your husband. not your children. not your home. not your body….the only thing that is forever is the connection you have with your inner being ༛✧𖦹

as i mentioned a couple times in today’s article i do have a voice memo space where i live off the cut voice memos. imperfect. in the moment. but for busy babes who would like me in your ear to keep you centered and feeling good. again - i don’t know jack shit. but my people tell me i help them feel better so i guess that’s something lol.

and if you want to become a paying subscriber to both my substack here annnnd shell phone. there is a discount <3

ok that’s all

xoxo

in love + miracles,

SAMMi ༛✧𓇼