On: Your Man Going Deep With You

this is a long article so buckle up 🤩

I’ve been in the same relationship since 2019 🩷 and not once have we ever broken up. The day we met was the day we stayed together and 6 weeks later we were living together. Do I necessarily recommend this to anyone…? Not really buuuut I wouldn’t trade my path. You can’t help who you fall in love with and who your soul becomes tethered to ♾️ I always recommend a slow burn to my clients - and - sometimes when you meet your soul mate things happen really fast 🫧

I’ve collected a lot of data and have done a lot of self study on myself + my relationship 💖

I have done nearly 2,000 1:1 coaching sessions on romantic love helping anonymous individuals since 2024. Over 1,000 hours of purely 1:1 coaching lol (I have the hours logged).

I have been the “go-to” person when my friends are in need of dating advice or relationship advice. I didn’t even necessarily choose this path….It sort of just happened naturally.

All of this to say, I feel pretty confident in what I believe to be true around what helps relationships thrive and what destroys relationships over time.

My relationship is not perfect. We do bicker and sometimes argue. We rub up against one another when we are both over-stimulated. We have gone through really fucking tough chapters of questioning our relationship and “if” we belong together. My relationship has triggered the depths of my soul and I know it’s true for my man as well. There have been moments of toxicity. We’ve gone into a lot of debt together. I have taken on a lot of the emotional load and so has he….We sometimes flip roles where I am the more masculine presence. The relationship itself is not always “50/50”. Sometimes he gives a lot more and sometimes I do…

And…

My life has only gotten better from being in this relationship. I’ve had an insane physical glow up. I did the work and moved from anxiously attached to secure (I feel very confident claiming that). My business has only gotten better and now I financially support myself from my business alone after years of not being able to make consistent money. We don’t keep secrets and I never question his loyalty + devotion to me. I am still incredibly turned on by him and I know I turn him on deeply. Our sex has only gotten better and has aged like fine wine. I’ve never once felt uncomfortable around him and he has never made me feel weird about the way I look and only praises me. He is quite literally, my best friend 🩷

I know what makes my relationship better and I know what makes it worse.

I know what makes my clients relationships better and I know what makes it worse.

Obviously every person on earth is unique.

Each romantic relationship is unique.

There are certain tools that work for couples but I do believe creating more harmony in your relationship is pretty simple and the work works across the board (at least from what I have witnessed in my own work and self study).

When I say things like,

“Go deep with your Art, Boys are for fun”

I am not just saying that out of my ass lol.

I did not come across some TikTok lingo and infused it into my brand.

The concepts I talk about have been cultivated after many years of study and collecting data. Applying concepts ~ seeing what works and what does not work…

What I really see fucking up relationships the most is:

★ Un-healed women having insane amounts of “self love” (entitlement) which has turned into hyper critical antics (or self and partner).

★ Not knowing how to properly ground into truth and zoom OUT. Hyper-fixating on 1 issue versus taking into account of the health of the entire relationship.

★ Un-healed women believing that the world owes them everything. So if a man doesn’t have enough money, or a man steps out of place ONE time, it’s the end of the world and there are no chances given.

★ This obsession with TEXTING and reading into text messages and feeling butt hurt because he isn’t responding the way you like or fast enough or not responding for days.

★ Intuitive Women being obsessed with depth.

★ This obsession with “getting your needs met” which keeps you in lack consciousness.

I try my best to not come across as putting women down or making women think they have to do all the work. But please give me a chance to explain… ⇣⇣⇣⇣

Coming from my background in energetics 𖦹༛ I have seen how the masculine RESPONDS to the feminine ❥🔄༛༛

It’s not about the woman doing more emotional labor, in fact, it’s the opposite (trust I am team girly pop!!)

The saying, “happy wife, happy life” is literal TRUTH lol.

You - as the feminine heart - your “work” is making yourself happy, pouring into your cup, pampering yourself, spoiling yourself, and leaning allllllll the way back ♡♡💕 That is IT!

Seriously.

I promise you, it does not need to be more complicated than that.

I talk to so many clients where they think their problems are so much more complicated than anyone else or they are in it “so deep” with their partner and don’t know how to come up for air. Everyone thinks their issues are unique or special.

I am going to be bold and say, I believe 80% of relationship issues are the same essence.

But what happens is, this work feels TOO simple.

You think thoughts like, “there is no way it can be THIS easy”.

The work is really simple but it can feel difficult to practice + hold.

The formula is simple. Getting yourself to take the work seriously is a whole other ball game lol.

That is why I share the same insights, teachings, and concepts over + over + over + over again. Your brain may be reading my words as “truth” and you’re nodding your head along with me. You feel that resonance and sparkle in your chest. You feel relief like “wow it really can be that simple”.

but then you carry on with your day lol.

You return to the same bullshit.

You don’t practice. Or you practice for 1 day but then fall into the same patterns.

Breaking past some of the barriers I talked about above like….

A relationship getting ruined because you feel you need your man to go deep with you and you feel like you’re not being met in your depth.

First off, this “neeeeeeed”

This “i neeeeeeed my man to go deep with me”.

This is energetic repulsion (this is where understanding energetics comes into place).

Anytime you “neeeeeeed” something you push it away.

Needing anything from anyone is connected to lack consciousness. You’re in an energetic state that your needs are NOT being met, so you will continue to create the same thing over + over + over again. You will feel “too deep” for your man or you will feel like you never match up intellectually.

Your mind goes into “but but but! i deserve getting everything I want out of life! I deserve a partner who can give me what I want! I want someone who can go deep with me!”

You’re not wrong….but the way you’re approaching getting your man to meet you in your depth is all backwards.

What has helped me the most in my own relationship and what has helped majority of my clients is actually not needing anything from your relationship. You put your trust + faith into the Universe instead. You meet your own needs 💖 You center yourself, your art, your hobbies, your passions, and your own feel good emotions ༛༛✧♡

First off, you cannot expect 1 person to give you everything. That is so unfair lol. You wouldn’t want that pressure either. So you take what you like from all different types of relationships…

This is the fun part about life, you’re just continuing to get samples of the best tasting ice cream flavors! 🍦✧♡💕♡♡

You take all the delicious tasting ice cream samples from every person you meet and you discard the plastic sample spoon in the little bin 🥄 with the flavors that aren’t your favorite.

You go deep with your mind, your journal, your art, your bestie.

You get ravished by your lover.

You talk about work with your mom.

You laugh with your goofy friend…

catch my drift….? 🌊༛༛✧

When you approach life from not actually “needing” anything from anyone or really even placing expectations on anyone…you naturally become more fulfilled. People start to rise to meet you in your overflowing cup of sweet vanilla ice cream. And they compliment your flavor well coming in with strawberries or chocolate.

When you don’t put yourself first, when you don’t go deep with your own mind and art, when you don’t have hobbies outside of your man, when you put pressure on him + the relationship….your sweet vanilla ice cream turns into spoiled sour clumpy milk. Nothing compliments sour milk besides the trash can. When you taste like sour rotten milk…people are repulsed!

You HAVE to treat pampering yourself and spoiling yourself like your full time job (:

You can’t take yourself out 1 time and expect everything to bend in your favor.

This is a lifestyyyllleee baby 🌈♡༛༛✧🍦𖦹💕༛✧🍰♡🫧𖦹𖦹

You’re consistently booking blowouts ✧༛💇🏼‍♀️ you get your nails done and drink champagne ✧🥂✧ you pack yourself a romantic picnic at the park ༛✧🍰 you get all cute and done up “just because” ♡💅🏻 you make yourself gorgeous meals 𖦹🥗 you write a book in secret ☪︎📝 you date yourself ♡♡🩷

o0o0obviously you can express your preferences with your lover 💕 what I teach is NOT about being a mute 🤣

I am never telling you to accept shitty behavior or ignore true red flags.

But you’re so hyper focused on individual experiences. he doesn’t respond how you like during 1 conversation. Or he doesn’t respond back to your lengthy paragraph text message in the way you like. Or you’re being vulnerable and spilling your heart to him and he doesn’t really know how to respond.

You have to trust your body here + zoom out….

Is he an overall good guy?

Do you FEEEEEL comfortable, safe, and good with him even if his words or lack of words are annoying you?

I see women cutting out men because they’re not good Texters….or they are processing really deep feelings and needing to take time to process their own emotions so they back up a little.

You have to stop expecting people to be the same as you and then stop judging them for when they are not the same if you want vibrant sexy love 💕༛༛🫧✧𖦹

I see so many missed connections.

There is a saying “you can’t lose what is meant for you”.

But I do believe you’re a conscious creator of your reality and yes you can actually miss out on opportunities and people who are meant for you if you’re not open + receptive.

Does it mean if you miss 1 opportunity then a new one will never come again? No!! The Universe is always trying to send you money, love, and opportunities but you also cannot be lazy ~ you do have to work for the things you want in life ༛💕♡ ESPECIALLY romantic love 🩷♡༛༛✧☽

It’s like if a unique opportunity landed on your lap to travel to another country when you have been calling in spontaneous life giving travel. But then you deny the trip….It’s not that another cool opportunity to travel will neverrr come in again but you will miss out on that unique individual experience.

Meaning, you have to put in the work to receive the things that areeee meant for you in life.

Even if something is meant for you….it can still die. If you connected with a soul bestie and you just stopped putting in effort to hangout with her. The connection is going to fizzle.

So the saying, “you can’t miss what is meant for you” is sort of like a half truth. Because the thing is, yes you can miss it since you are a creator of your reality. And if you’re plugged into an inner programming where you “need” people to behave in a certain way for you to be happy….you’ll never be happy in the way you can be and you’ll miss out on “meant for you” connections.

My intention is NOT to scare you and make you think that you have fucked up and missed all the abundant opportunities for you in this life.

But, I used to be someone who just believed I could continue to behave how I have always been behaving and that life would continue to bend in my favor.

I was unwillig to reallllllly look in the mirror and see what ice cream flavor I was tasting like (and it wasn’t ice cream, it was sour milk). 🥛🥛🥛🥛🥛

I boiled down someone ghosting me as “divine intervention”

Or “oh god I dodged a bullet there!”

But refused to look at why I was drawing in men who did ghost me or drawing in men who were weirdos….

It’s easy to just place blame on men for being fucked up and having red flags but it’s kind of like….why are YOU having these experiences?

My work is triggering for those who don’t take radical responsibility over their own life but I am telling ya right now, the minute you do take on this way of living….life truly starts to bend in your favor.

You can’t take responsibility over 1 area over your life and excuse the rest as “divine intervention”. Honestly, it has to be across the board here.

It’s also not about making yourself feel bad or weird or shamey about it either.

You do it with love, self compassion, and grace.

That’s the magic formula 🪄✧༛💕 radical responsibility + self compassion = heaven on earth 🌍༛༛🍦✧♡

I have made sense of every single trauma that has happened to me. And it’s a lot. Like being sexually abused for 10 years. Being with three physically abusive men. Having my virginity ripped from me. Being a minor and getting abused by an older guy who used to hand feed me 10 Vicodins at a time.

All I am saying is I have a weird, dark, and twisted past. I’ve been through things I will never say publicly.

I’ve been able to make sense of all of it though. I actually can see how I attracted it. and nope not in a way where I blame myself or make myself feel bad for any of it. I can just see why it all happened the way it did. I do so with ♥︎ self compassion ♥︎

I wrote an article the other day how I just moved to a tiny island. It’s basically been hell for 4-5 weeks straight. NON stop shit happening. It’s been so annoying to say the least lol. Our car has broken down a trillion times, our dog got hurt, we didn’t have furniture, (I can write a book on what has all gone wrong lol).

After that 5th week of things being fucking awful (lol) I snapped out of it and saw how I indeed attracted every single piece of it. I looked at my mind and the beliefs I was holding. I did some inner work ☪︎🪄 held self compassion ✧༛💕 and things instantaneously shifted!!!!!! after 2 days of pouring into my own cup (booking 2 beauty appointments, meditating, scripting, focusing on myself…)

Some of the things that immeditately came in after me tending to my own garden ⛲️𖦹 were: a VERY aligned opportunitity for me to make more money ✧✧🫧 our furniture finally being delivered after we thought it would be months until we got it ♡🥂 finally getting a 2nd car! after we thought we would only have 1 🚙༛✧

You don’t have to dig into every single point of attraction in your life and try to figure out why something happened but I would look at the patterns you do not like and shift out of those ♡🌀

What happens is, you think the work is heavy and dark and that you need to overhaul your entire life. it’s not that way at all. the work is meant to be fun. you’re just spoiling yourself again. pampering yourself. while allsssooo taking radical responsibility AND holding self compassion. that’s the key ✧🗝️༛༛ to your upward spiral in romantic love and life at whole.

People talk so much shit on “this work” (telling victims to take responsibility of their trauma) is because they think this work is about telling victims they did something wrong and that’s why the trauma happend. like it’s all blame but no self compassion. this is why I teach (in my spaces) how to connect to your iNNER BEiNG 🧞‍♀️✧ because your iNNER BEiNG 🧞‍♀️༛✧ is never blaming you, is never telling you what you did was “wrong”, + never shaming you.

you can take radical responsibility over yourself WITHOUT giving yourself shame + guilt. it’s just understanding how the law of attraction + energetics operate. when you feeeeel like a victim….you attract more things to be a victim over. when you leave the house and feel all anxious and vulnerable….you attract aggressive drivers or people who are being rude to you…you basically just attract what you feel on the inside.

Being valid in your rightness and giving blame to someone in their wrongness does NOT attract better experiences into your life.

You can 100000000000% be VALID in your victimhood.

People go through REAL shit. There are disgusting humans out there.

The work I teach isn’t about excusing awful people and gas lighting yourself.

I think it can be easily twisted into that.

But I do understand what attracts better + new experiences 𓆸✧

And being valid in your victimhood will only bring you more things to be a victim in.

It doesn’t move the needle.

it doesn’t shift your life.

You just continue to create a life where you are a victim.

You can validate yourself as being a victim to something awful, you can validate how someone else is so gross and fucked up and maybe evil….but you can’t stay in it too long unless you want weird experiences to continue on.

I have a story for you ⇣⇣⇣⇣⇣

---

I felt really bored and sorta purposeless last summer (this was RIGHT before I created UPWARD SPiRAL). we were living in Tennessee. and if you know the south, you know the south has a LOT of history and can feeeeel really heavy…basically it’s haunted as fuck. I used to be very into paranormal world years ago. I used to go on paranormal investigations and I used to be a medium. So when we moved to the south that old part of me sorta got re-ignited. the house we lived in was veryyyyy haunted. my dog barking at blank walls….hear people walking up our stairs… i would see creatures in the side of my eye….I downloaded these ghost hunting apps and caught spirits and voices on camera + audio.

I started sharing some of the stories on tiktok. And it was fun until it wasn’t….i started to see really creepy and scary things. i started to feel scared in my own house. I caught on tape this reallllly scary voice that made my throw my phone and start crying.

anyways.

what I was experiencing was “real”. I know for a fact that house was haunted (as someone who is very intuitive and is a medium when I want to be). I know for a fact there was some dark energy in that house (as someone who has done excorcisms on apartments).

A saying I share often with my clients is an empty mind is the devil’s playground.

when you’re bored…the “devil” can take over.

my entire body of work is centered around, “you’re not insecure, you’re bored”. meaning - when you are purposeless, not obsessing over your art, not finding your creativity and creating a connection to it……

you start to feel ugly, you start to feel insecure, you start to take on these “hobbies” that aren’t aligned with your inner being’s desires, you create issues where there are none, you start to downward spiral.

And I knew that my focus to the paranormal was quite literally attracting MORE paranormal experiences. It was the law of attraction at work. I felt so in it! And I knew exactly what I was doing…I knew that I was manifesting more and more of it.

But because I was “bored” I stayed in it.

UNTIL. I fully got a grip and thought to myself, “Sammi what the fuck are you doing…this is NOT aligned with the places you want to go….” And once I made that inner connection….

I hired a coach the NEXT day.

Then 2 days after my investment I got an idea for me to launch UPWARD SPiRAL (my manifestation membership that I still have!).

And filled it with spaces right away!

And from that point forward I STOPPED paying attention to anything paranormal related.

I would see something in the corner of my eye and be like “nope! Not giving it focus”.

And it all sort of just stopped.

I became obsessed with my art again and because of purpose again and the devil stopped playing with me. I have not felt a weird presence or been scared about paranormal since!

---

I have SO many more stories like that ⇡⇡⇡⇡ where I fall out of love with my work for a short chapter then I become “bored” so I get led into these random side quest hobbies that have nothing to do with my inner being’s guidance.

This is why I also teach ♡ “boys are for fun, go deep with your art” ✧𖦹✧✧༛ because the more obsessed you become with your purpose + art the better your love life gets!!

Anyways…

The more that you believe “men are bad” the more examples you are shown of men….being bad.

The more that you NEEEEED your man to meet your needs and go deep with you…..the more he is pushed away from you and ends up meeting NONE of your meets or ever showing an ounce of depth.

The more you feel like a victim of your circumstances (even if you’re 10000% valid in being a victim) the more things come to you to feel like a victim over!

The more worried you feel for the world and read up on the world news or what’s going on in our politics etc…the more things you are seen to feel worried about that make you spiral.

You have to shift internally if you want life to bend for you 𖦹🌀

And this is the type of work we do in my membership, UPWARD SPiRAL.

Doors are open to join !

In love and upward spiiiiraaallls,

SAMMi

🍰🫧💕