My beef with dating coaches and relationship advice you see everywhere is that everyone makes out relationships these complex issues to solve. That your problems are so deep and different. That your feelings are so complex and layered…
I would love to explain a few things to hopefully help you on your journey with love:
♥︎ just because you feel insecure in a relationship doesn’t mean….you’re insecure…
First off, you want to ask yourself if your feelings of insecure are valid or not. But just because you feel the emotion of insecurity does not equate you to an insecure person…
Invalid:
He doesn’t respond to your text in a timely manner.
He chooses to hangout with his guy friends.
Valid:
He flirts with the bartender in front of you.
He likes attention from other women.
(And JUST because you feel the emotion of insecurity over “invalid” reason also does’t mean you’re automatically insecure).
♥︎ When you are already so in your head and trying to “fix” yourself….the last thing you need is a personal development book.
when you are in your head and trying to “sort your issues you out” - I already know your issue ✰You’re TOO in your head✰ So you need to get into your body. Getting out of your head is hard for people who do take life serious or who are really committed to personal growth but you have to trust that growth is already a part of your naturally evolution and you don’t need to “try” grow. If you resonate with being a little too serious, trying to fix your issues, or always trying to get to the root of things ~ your medicine is to get into your body and move pleasure to the forefront 𖦹 ༛✧ ⇣⇣
✧Addictive fiction books > personal development books.
✧Allowing yourself to enjoy Netflix > sit down serious conversations with your man…
✧Opting for warm cozy meals that bring you joy > calorie counting and restritive eating.
✧Going out with the girls > spiraling in bed for the night.
✧Playing with art as your business strategy.
And you choose these things OVER “growth” actives. It will help, trust me.
♥︎ Take accountability with where you do fuck up.
No one actually likes a brat. Even if your man seems like he does, this is the energy that wears down relationships overtime. He may think it’s cute and funny at first but over the course of your relationship he is going to get sick of it.
If you emotionally react then yes, own up! Apologize! But stop doing it from this weird insecure space where you are crying and saying how “fucked up you are” and that you’re “soooo sorry” and “your trauma made you this way”. He does not want to hear that. That is victim stuff. Be mature. Stand in a simple sentence like… “hey, I really fucked up. You do not deserve that. I am so sorry” - and let him be mad. Don’t tend to him. Just own your fuck up and he will come around.
A couple days ago I noticed myself getting super anxious and because I was anxious I was emotionally reacting. I let the whole day go by without tending to my vibration. I felt icky and I sort of just stewed in.
I had an appointment early Saturday morning but when I went to bed on Friday I made an intention to vibrationally align myself once I woke up so that my icky vibration did not continue into Saturday.
So when I woke up Saturday I still felt anxious because I didn’t do anything to clear it.
I made sure to wake up hoursss before my appointment.
Woke up at 5:30am to give myself time to align.
(Showing you how I take responsibility over my own vibration and showing you step by step what I do so you can either use or use to create your own formula).
༛✧♡How I treat my vibration is always♡✧༛
Somatics first.
Then mindset
ACTION
𖦹 Somatics ⇣
I started with an EFT tapping session on “worry and fear”.
Then I did a second on “allowing myself to feel good”
Then I did a 3rd one on “refreshing my energy”
And then I got out of bed and shook out my whole body.
I don’t like doing random EFT. It needs to be specific to what I am struggling with. And I was having a hard time letting go and letting myself have fun and feel good.
𖦹 Mindset ⇣
Once I felt my body feel calm and regulated I got out my journal.
I did 2 focus wheel (it’s a process from the Ask and it is Given book by Abraham Hicks).
It’s basically a version of my Relief Work but you write out 12 sentences that give you a feeling of relief around the goal you are trying to move into energetically.
So you have to write out what you do NOT like currently to figure out the emotional goal you are trying to move into….
And mine was about more or less having emotional sovereignty but also being easy going because I naturally feel good and can go with the flow.
The sentences that I wrote out that gave me relief had to do with me just focusing on myself but it was very specific. Like focusing on my personal aesthetic (there was more as well but just to give you an example).
So once I had my 12 sentences (all which gave me relief). I took a few minutes to read over the sentences and just feeeel that feeling of relief (instead of worry in which I was previously feeling).
I took time to really bring my mind into relief versus worry which means you just have to give the relief feeling momentum. You can’t just find relief then automatically choose worrying thoughts again. You really have to practice and hold the feeling of relief so more feelings of relief come to meet you.
𖦹 Action ⇣
I practiced what I preached and had an upward spiral day (:
I got my hair done and was offered champagne.
I initially denied it because “noo I don’t need that”.
then I sat there for an hour and changed my mind.
I allowed myself to indulge guilt free with 2 glasses of champagne.
Honestly it was the most fun hair appointment I’ve ever been to lol. Me and my hair dresser chatted the day away and it was so effortless and fun. And we were chatting beforeee the champagne lol.
Then I took myself shopping 💅🏻
I found exactly what I had set my intention to find (a dress and some shorts).
I came home and was inspired to take my doggie on a run in the jungle.
So I did that and I literally laughed the whole time. He was being so goofy and silly and playful and it was so fun! This man was laughing at us because my dog was being psycho and I was laughing and like we were all laughing and it was just a cute moment.
I showered and was about to make myself dinner but my Fiance texted me for me to meet up with him and our friends (he had gone hiking with all our friends and was already out).
I was going to deny it because I felt like I “needed to stay in”.
but then I peeled back the layer and was like no! I am going to ALLOW myself to have fun.
I drove through the jungle and it was one of the most fun drives I have ever taken (: cotton candy skies all around, all my favorite songs playing, no other cars out! I was just jamming away.
Met up with my Fiance and friends and all of them were just giving me endless compliments!!!! it was so cute!!! it was like my vibration was open and feeling good and others picked up on it and reflected it all back to me. My friends just telling me how cute I am (lol). My fiancés hands all over me grabbing my butt haha.
I ALLOWED myself to have some wine with dinner and I had the most delicious ramen I’ve ever had omg!!!!!!
Ate it all guilt free.
Came home.
Slept like a baby.
Woke up soooo happy lol.
I wanted to carry my vibration to the next day (now).
So I woke up and did more EFT.
Skipped mindset because I already feeling super good.
and now writing to you here because I feel that creative flow moving through me.
I wanted to show you all step by step exactly what I mean when it means to clean up your vibration AND pour into your own cup.
Let’s say I still did the Action part of my day yesterday WITHOUT the somatics and mindset work. I guarantee you right now I would have woken up hungover and feeling icky from the food. I probably would not be writing this article to you because I know I would not be feeling creative.
Does this work take effort? Yes.
Is this work worth it? 100000000%
Because I stay active in this type of work I DO feel I can eat whatever I want without it ever negatively impacting me. I can drink alcohol and feel amazing the next day. and not only that, I take care of everything with even more energy! like going to the gym and having a super hard amazing workout. cleaning the whole house with so much energy. working on my business with excitement.
I am here to taste life. Not restrict life. But being a “naturally” serious person who cannn over-analyze which falls into being hyper-vigilant it’s very important I stay on top of my energetic work so I can live guilt free and I can be silly and I can genuinely ENJOY my romantic relationship (versus picking it a part and getting relationship anxiety). 𖦹༛
It’s really easy to get swept up into plans and just go out and do your thing but if you’re not taking time to cater to your own vibration you will wake up hungover or feeling icky or you’ll notice yourself being moody while out with friends or feeling super “over it” and “burnt out”.
If you’re trying to approach mindset work but feeling fear and anxiety in your body…the mindset work isn’t going to stick because it’s like trying to put a band aid on broken arm.
And then if you’re JUST doing somatics it cannnn loop. Where you spend hours trying to “regulate your body” but then you leave yourself empty because you’re not plugging your MIND into a direction it needs to go! So you may feel good in your body but then an hour later you start to spiral.
And if you just do somatics and mindset work WITHOUT pouring into your own cup through actions you remove all joy and fun.
Obviously if you are feeling regulated then no need for somatics and sometimes just doing “the thing” issss regulating. Sometimes your body just needs forward movement, for you to make a decision…
But let’s say you “think” you’re regulated and you’re trying to do relief work/mindset work and it’s just “not working” then I can bet you’re not regulated in your physical body.
I advise:
♡First Somatics
♡Second Minset
♡Third Pour into that cup babbyyyy
I am going to be going on vacation later next week and I will still be doing all of this! I want to ensure I enjoooooy the vacation without getting burnt out and bitter and hyper vigilant (which can happen in group settings, when alcohol is present, and when you’re eating out constantly and doing a ton of activities. I’ll report back how the vacation went lol
When it comes to your romantic relationship and if you do want it to be mostly feel good and smooth sailing you truly have to put yourself and your own energetic alignment first. Because EVERYTHING good in life comes out of you being aligned. And what does being aligned even actually means? It just means you feel good lol. It means you’re having fun with your own life. It means you’re taking action on your own passions and creativity and hobbies. It means you’re pampering yourself. It means you feel in purpose (and your purpose can be having fun with life).
If you want a contained space to bring this part out of you, UPWARD SPiRAL was made for you 🍭 it’s a monthly membership where I drop in-depth teachings, challenges, to bring you into your upward spiral and for you to KEEP your upward spiral going and consistent. It’s also dedicated to creative geniuses and I do help with online brands and instagram fun 🍰🫧 so many badddiesss inside (forreal). we are chatty kathys and the chat rooms are always poppin off
Love your writing!
Just commenting to tell you keep these coming 🫶🏻🫶🏻