Over the course of my own relationship we have gone through different phases and have held different roles. We’ve been little kids together, we’ve been at war with one another, we’ve been sweet best friends, we’ve been analytical and deep, we’ve been passionate lovers…and so forth.
The energy that I appreciate most in my relationship is that deep attraction/sexual pull to one another. When the passion is 🔥. I notice when the sexual energy is super high ~ it’s not typically when we are “sweet besties”. It’s usually when conversation is actually more limited + we are both busy with our own lives type of deal. I notice when the sexual energy is more high is also when I am veryyyy leaned back into my own artistic world. Usually during these chapters he takes care of the house more he does all the dishes, cleans the house, and is also motivated to grow within his own world so he’s doing a bunch of research around topics he wants to pursue in life and so forth.
I also so enjoy being goofy little kids together where we share this language that only he and I get lol. This goofy energy tends to be more “sweet” and I notice during these chapters there isn’t a super insane pull to one another because during these chapters when we are more sweet/goofy we areeee spending a lot of time together. Very intertwined. I really love this energy as well.
When we are more stressed as a couple (going through outsides stressors) we tend to be deep and analytical. We talk a lot of shit together and also tend to bicker. Sometimes we get into looping conversations that never seem to go anywhere… Or we start to have a negative view of the world. It can be fun for a SHORT chapter because who doesn’t like talking shit with their partner lol but it’s when the negativity start of pours over is when it’s gotta stop.
Also ~ this part may give you ease ~
we’ve been together nearly 7 years so we have experienced a lot of phases together. When I was at my TOP shape, my top physical fitness, the attraction was at its lowest. I used to be obsessed with going to the gym (I still am) but it was being approached from this energy of me neeeeeding to be fit gym girl. I was pretty toned and looked good. But the more relaxed I have come in my own body…allowing myself to hold extra weight as I’ve gained almost 25-30 pounds as I entered my 30s….not being a psychopath in the gym anymore….definitely not being in my “best” shape….the sexual attraction is a night and day difference. The more relaxed I have become in my own self, the higher the attraction.
I remember when I wassss in tip top shape I was in my mind always thinking “does he think I am hot?” I would always be searching his eyes to try to see if he was really looking at me. I had this neediness to me. This fitness era was the the phase I was trying to make him go super deep with me…writing him these lengthy love letters…expressing our love on social media and not in a cute light way but literally like paragraphs around “how good he was”. I would surprise him in lingerie….I would also do these super sexy solo photoshoots and post these photos everywhere online to basically get his attention or it was coming from this “look at me! Look at how hot your girlfriend is!!”
The more I tried, the less attraction there was.
Interrupting the article to let you know I am only offering Soul Readings until Friday May 22nd (: (tomorrow lol)
I’m going on vacation late next week and can only genuinely take 4 more spaces for these!
People always say how age is a social construct but idk….because the more I have aged the more I have matured. I’ve gone from having a loud confidence to more of a quiet one. I’ve never felt more grounded. I feel balanced. I don’t even have thoughts around wondering if my man thinks I am hot anymore.
I don’t know if it’s from doing a LOT of internal work, being a few years out of my Saturn Return, doing over 1,000 sessions on relationships alone, my frontal lobe being fully developed. But I hit a point where I do NOT resonate with that needy girl whatsoever anymore. When i think about her it feels like it was lifetimes ago.
Or maybe it’s from being in a relationship for nearly 7 years and really just understanding what makes my relationship better or what makes it worse.
I also approach life from the lens of taking 100% responsibility of everything that happens and also understanding that my internal energy rules the room.
I feel like a major mistake women do with going into a relationship is….
making their parter meet their needs
And trying to turn their man into their girl best friend.
Personally, I want to be turned the fuck on by my man. I am not turned on by my girl best friend.
I believe it’s important to not make your partner give you everything… you go deep with your besties ♡ you go deep with your art ♡ and then have fun with your man ༛✧♡
Stop trying to force him into being a woman.
Imagine if he was forcing you into masculine roles. If he was yelling at you to take out the trash and to answer the door when a stranger is knocking. You HATE when he tells you to “toughen up!” Or when he say, “just get over it!” That is literally the equivalant to you forcing him into depth with you.
Talk whatever shit you want on typical gender roles but if you resonate with being the more feminine partner and you feel like your parter is the more masculine partner…then some of those gender roles enhances attraction to one another.
This is NOT about you being a stay at home mom, being a slave to your family, always cleaning and cooking lol.
I would say the feminine roles (to enhance attraction) is all about ♥︎ you just being obsessed with your work + art ♥︎ It’s about pouring into your own cup and doing any type of beauty practices you’re obsessed with (: skincare, Pilates, makeup, yoga, massages, etc ♥︎ It’s about lounging around more ♥︎ reading your books ♥︎ taking naps ♥︎ chilling out lol ♥︎ Watching your shows all cozy ♥︎ Getting hot and going out with your girlfriends ♥︎ Being EMOTIONAL 🔥 allowing yourself to cry, to scream, to be bubbly….the feminine is all about having a RANGEEE of emotions ♥︎ You want to un-numb yourself because the more numb you are the worse your sex life gets ㋡
To me, those are the “feminine roles”.
Don’t worry about the “masculine roles” - not your business.
But just know that the.. 𖦹✧ masculine always responds to the feminine ✧𖦹
✰ The more needy you are, the more avoidant he becomes.
✰ The more secure and obsessed with your own life you are, the bigger the turn on.
✰ The more numb you are, the more lackluster your relationship.
✰ The more cold you are, the more aggressive he is.
✰ When you’re dramatic (without blaming him) the more turned on he is.
❤️🩹 The deep spiritual girls have a lot of issues in love ❤️🩹
They’ve taken on this therapy speak. Their man steps out of place 1 or 2 times and the deep spiritual girl sends a message like… (see below)
It’s weaponized “self-awareness”…
Example of weaponized “self awareness”:
I need you to understand that when you disappear emotionally and then act confused when I pull back, that is not “needing space.” That is avoidance. And I’m not available for a dynamic where I have to beg for basic emotional presence and then be made to feel “too much” because I noticed the distance.You keep framing my reaction as the problem, but my nervous system is responding to inconsistency. I’m not dysregulated out of nowhere..I’m responding to the fact that your words and your behavior do not match
(•ˋ _ ˊ•)
Another example….
I think what’s happening here is that you’re confusing my standards with an attack. I’m not attacking you. I’m naming a pattern. You say you want a peaceful relationship, but what you actually seem to want is a relationship where I suppress my feelings so you never have to confront the impact of your behavior. And I need you to know that “I’m sorry you feel that way” is not accountability
⋌༼ •̀ ⌂ •́ ༽⋋
Writing those out made my stomach CRINGE lol.
Also look, I am NOT trying to shame you.
I WAS that girl 100000% (it got me nowhere by the way).
I do find working with these type of women is very difficult to be honest 😩🫶 because they are soooo in their personal development therapy world lens 👓 that they have a hard time understanding the type of teachings I share or they become highly defensive.
But if you’re reading that and you’re like holy fuck that IS me and I need to shift asap….then I welcome you with open arms 😹💕
It’s not about never expressing your needs. It’s not about being a mute. It’s not about accepting bullshit. It’s not about not calling out your man when he fucks up.
But I find that the deep spiritual girls are alwayyssss doing this….
When you approach life from a CARE FREE lens ♡✧ NOT taking life so damn serious ♡✧ when you learn how to NOOOOOT be his therapist or coach ♡✧
your life gets 10000% better 𖦹 and so does your relationship.
EVERYTHING IS CONNECTED ✧✧♾️ ✧
the more regulated you become, the more relaxed you become, the more money you make in your desired way, the better your relationship gets…
If you’re sitting here like:
Well I want my boyfriend to be able to have these deep conversations with me when I send him texts like that and respond to what I say about his patterns…༼ง=ಠ益ಠ=༽ง
Then you don’t want a boyfriend! you want a girlfriend!
Men naturally take accountability and own up to their fucks ups when you LET THEM - when you give him space - when you’re not breathing down his neck making him meet your needs - when you’re not sending those types of messages.
Again, it’s not about over looking shitty behavior. I am also assuming you are not in a relationship where he calls you names etc and has wild behavior.
I am talking to women who have an overall healthy relationship where their man has basic respect for them.
If that is not you, then my work is not for you ♡༛💕
♥︎ Example of what I have done when I noticed behavior I didn’t like that genuinely bothered me (without sending a weaponized self awareness text:
Insert: behavior I didn’t like.
Me: 🥺🥺🥺🥺 “that really hurt my feelings…”
Me: quietly walk into the other room and do my own thing.
Him: Comes to find me
Him: Apologizes fully.
The type of apology where I can feeeeel the switch and he’s not just saying it to say it.
The behavior? Stops.
I’ve never NOT had him own up when I approached the issue at hand like that ⇡⇡ every single time he has made amends where I can genuinely feel it.
The repair is always so0o0o simple 𓆸
It rarely turns into a lengthy process and if it does it’s because I make it that way! I start to call out his patterns or behavior etc and then the conversations goes NO WHERE and there is no repair.
If you want a sexyyyyyy relationship ♡༛✧ where you are both turned on to one another and have so much fun together ~ my work is for you 🤩
But if you want a therapy relationship where you’re his coach and you feminize him….i won’t be for you lol.
You get to decide what is right for your relationship.
All I am saying is, I looooove the attractional pull to one another ❤️🔥 that feeling is so fucking fun and when I am turned on I am turned on to everything else in life!
✧The art I make gets better….
✧I feel better about myself….
✧annnnd my relationship gets better without me even really having to do anything!?!?
SIGN ME UP BABY!
If you want more of my magic 𖦹 𖦹 ⇣
come join UPWARD SPiRAL it’s my membership:
0o0o0or get a SOUL READiNG from me 🤩 (these are only going to be offered for TWO more days!!)
whatever this M A G I C is, i love it and yes i do in FACT need ur help (and your pixel art and wisdom words — praise the lord u exist and i found u) 🍰💕